Digging a Hole

I’ve often walked by construction sites and gardens as plants are being planted and pipes set and thought to myself: now that is one hideous hole. The edges are all lopsided. There is no symmetry.

And while it’s true that geometry and etiquette are wasted on all but squares, there should be a certain standard to digging a hole – a certain respect for the process, a sense of pride in a hole well dug. Digged? Duggen.

If you follow modern aesthetics, a hole should really be round. A hole of any other shape would be more of a “pit” or “home-improvement project.” It should be large enough for its purpose and should be symmetrically constructed with vertical walls that don’t cave under pressure. Chester “The Human Shovel” Little, one of the pre-eminent hole diggers in the country and four-time winner of the World Hole Digging Championship, offered the following advice after his 1997 win: “Grab a shovel and dig, man. It’s just a @#$!#&* hole.”

Expert advice – for as Chester implied, one of the biggest mistakes in hole digging is grabbing the wrong tool for the job (see Figure 1). Depending on the size of the hole, garden spades and the standard issue shovel are the ideal choices for digging a hole. Other garden tools – like hedge shears and hacksaws – are not as effective. Using your hand is also not recommended – especially if you’re fond of intact skin.

Before digging, it’s important to understand the physics of your hole. Remember Bernoulli’s Principle and Coulomb’s Law? Well I don’t. But I do remember something called the conservation of dirt: simply put, whatever you dig out has to go somewhere – if it goes back into the hole you’re digging, then you’ll never make any progress. Always shovel the dirt to the side – or over the shoulder if you’re of a more dramatic predisposition (see Figure 2).

Finally, remember that holes are designed to accommodate objects – a hole too big or too small is a thing of immense shame. Always visualize the hole before starting – picture the object inside, and dig around its dimensions. But unless you’ve been previously trained, make sure you’re not using the metric system – Magnus Tavlik lost the 1964 US Hole Digging Open in New York City because he failed to convert his units.