Coffee. What a wonderful thing. The very smell of a fresh-roast stirs something primal in the human soul – a need for comfort and warmth. A need for love. And to be held closely.

What would life be like without coffee, I wonder. It’s an interesting question. The world turns on a caffeinated axis – without coffee, so many business projects and dissertations and matchmaking services and to-do lists would fade into obscurity, having languished in the tepid lip-lock of a lesser liquid. Coffee. It gives so much, and yet asks for so little in return. Just $2-$4 in cash or credit… sometimes $5 if you order a latte, maybe $6 if you get one of those fancy drinks with whipped cream and flavored syrup.  More if you buy that CD.

But the fact remains: coffee is so pervasive today that almost every man, woman, child and small animal has tried the beverage, and the vast majority continue to imbibe on a daily basis. And because coffee is such a perfectly portable beverage, it has become necessary to know how to walk while carrying a full cup of Joe. Or Stephen. Whatever.

Walking with coffee is not hard – it’s very similar to walking with any other liquid, like soup or gravy. But given the costly nature of coffee, one must pay special attention to preserving liquid integrity – a fancy barista phrase for “preventing spills.” An active effort to preserve liquid integrity will not only minimize costly spills, but also minimize the side effects of such spills – side effects like scalding burns and unsightly stains.

The most logical intervention for preserving liquid integrity is to always cap the coffee (see Figure 1). Lids are free and take mere seconds to secure, and have been found to prevent up to 87% of spills. Walking on the street with an open cup or mug is never advised – not only for the significant spill risk, but also for the risk of environmental contamination. So please: cap the coffee at all times.

Once this is done, the walk itself is relatively intuitive. The coffee walker should keep an eye out for potholes and uneven pavement, as stepping on either of these may lead to a spill. The best technique for walking with coffee is to keep the eyes angled downward at 30-45 degrees while using peripheral vision to monitor the coffee. If the coffee starts seeping around the edge of the lid or sloshing around violently, then adjust your step and steady your coffee arm.

What is the most devastating mistake one can make while walking with coffee, you ask? Excellent question. It is attempting a sip while walking. This act – unless carried out by the most skilled of walkers and drinkers – is almost universally detrimental to the walker, and occasionally to nearby pedestrians as well. From the 1975 journal Coffee Catastrophes:

“Herbert Jacks was a 57 year old businessman walking down a busy street in Manhattan. He carried in his right hand a triple shot 2% latte with hazelnut creamer. He attempted to take a sip while walking but stumbled and sustained a tremendous spill, with droplets flying in all directions. One droplet landed on the tongue of a Mrs. Sally Jeffreys, a 67 year old housewife. Mrs. Jeffreys had a devastating allergy to hazelnut creamer. By the time the paramedics arrived, there was nothing more to be done: she had succumbed to her allergy.”

As such, attempting a sip while walking is never recommended. But if you absolutely must sip, then there is an acceptable stance that – if assumed – minimizes the risk of damage. The stance is known as the Bent Crane Pursed Lip (see Figure 2) and is carried out as follows: bend your upper torso forward 15-20 degrees from vertical. If you are wearing a tie, hold the tie to your chest with your non-coffee bearing hand. Crane your neck out and bring the coffee to your pursed lips, making sure that the coffee-bearing arm is angled away from the vertical axis of the coffee. Widen the eyes to look over the edge of the coffee cup and sip quickly once, then return to your regular walking stance.

Do NOT attempt this move if you are navigating through a crowd or walking on a busy sidewalk, and do NOT attempt this move if there are small children or animals present. The risk of collateral damage is too high in these situations. Too, too high.